Kansas Beauty: Depression's Cure

 I have cycled through some emotions that are close to depression in the wake of giving up my teaching job two years ago.  I hadn't considered retirement, and it came as a shock that I had enough years of service to do so.  My job description changed in the wake of budget cuts, my mother's needs increased, and it seemed logical for me to retire early.  And so here I am, back home on the farm; writing, caregiving, and being a grammy; all jobs I love.  But some days that depression cloud hovers.  It is usually comprised of fibromyalgia aches, caregiving stress, and a sense that my life is winding down to a journey's end rather than gearing up toward some new goal. The idea that I've been demoted from a position of authority and respect to the roles of housekeeper and caregiver adds to my angst, but I figure this is good for my humility (a reference to family lore; once when I was bemoaning some cosmetic deficiency my then six-year-old daughter said, "Welp, that's good for your humility, Mom..."). 

When one is depressed, the inclination is to pull the shades, turn out the lights, and lay on the nearest soft surface, escapism-book in hand.  I manage to resist these pulls, but as I putter about the house  procrastination attacks, and my sad/bad feelings increase as I accomplish little; the silence pressing in about me.  I'm too tired to seek company, ache too much to volunteer my services as a babysitter, and tend toward short-temperedness with my mother's dementia related behaviors.  What I am able to do, however, is to step outside. 

Fresh air and light are curative. A few nights ago I snapped this phone photo of the setting sun's colors over our little yellow house and found there's no room for depression when one's senses are filled with this kind of beauty.  Again today I'm feeling so grateful for the restorative peace that's always just outside my front door simply because I'm privileged to live in rural Kansas: 

Ridiculous!

I don't watch a whole lot of TV (I know, everyone says that), but in my occasional sessions with Food Network or news programs, a relatively new expression has caught my ear:

"Ridiculous!" exclaims a commentator as he tastes a delicacy prepared by a five star chef.

"Ridiculous," says an actor who is being interviewed about filming a movie in New Zealand.  He's gazing at a mountain range behind him as he whispers his assessment of the beauty.  "Just ridiculous!"  

I've come to understand this word is being used to express emotion over something so amazingly delicious or beautiful that no adjectives in the language can adequately describe it.

With these thoughts in mind here are some views of our Kansas skies taken within a mile of the little yellow farmhouse, all pretty much just ridiculous! 

The intersection west of our house is appropriately named Homestead Road

Evening walk with Farmer John

Sunrise over the lake on the hill above our house.

Sunlight through cottonwoods along the road.

...another Farmer Johnism...

I am riding in the pickup with Farmer John.  We have counted cattle at a pasture that is nearly ten miles away, and are driving back home.  The morning has been relatively cool, but afternoon temperatures are predicted to reach 102 degrees. 

As we approach, two turkey vultures swoop away from the unidentifiable remains of some small animal that did not make it across the highway successfully. 

Farmer John:  Oh look.  This morning they are having cold cuts but if they come back at noon they can have a hot lunch! 

A Not-So-Ghostly Ghost Town

Farmer John and I made a parts run to Iola, Kansas today and on the way home John said, "Let's go see Neosho Falls; we've never been there."  I agreed, and he made an apparently random turn onto an unmarked road that led us, Farmer John fashion, straight to our goal.  The man has an uncanny ability to find places, and this nicely counterbalances my complete lack of directional sense.  Before the advent of cell phones and GPS, I couldn't go anyplace without him because I would get lost. Years of habit are deeply ingrained, and even now I rarely travel alone.  I kind of miss him when he's not along. 

As we drove into town I was astounded at the beauty of the Neosho River. The river flows serenely along but then makes a 9 foot drop over a man-made dam and from that point bubbles and rushes madly toward the new concrete bridge.  It does not look like the entrance to what I'd heard described as a ghost town. 

As we drove down the main street I had John stop several times so I could snap photos, and as I stepped away from the car I could hear more than one lawn mower running.  A man mowing a large corner lot gave me a careful look, and as I turned to come back to the car I saw a rusty sign that read Neighborhood Watch.  "I guess he's the neighborhood watcher," I said, laughing. But a few minutes later two motorcycles appeared at the corner a block away from where I was attempting to photograph the main street that is now overgrown with vines and trees, and I had the distinct feeling that Neosho Falls' neighborhood watch had indeed been activated. 

The neatest part of this little side trip is that I found Karola's Community Church!  Those of you who have read The Children Are Tender know that the fictional community of Karola has just one place of worship, a white clapboard church where all are welcome. Neosho Falls' United Methodist Church is a ringer for the non-denominational church I imagined for Karola,  so much so that I posted the photo below at the Pinterest Page dedicated to creating a visual introduction to the world of Karola.

Neosho Falls' Methodist Church is a ringer for the community church in the fictional town of Karola, Kansas, setting for the novel The Children Are Tender. However,  I do think the ladies of Karola Community Church would have hosted numerous bake sales in order to fund a fresh coat of white paint for their church. 

Neosho Falls' school was abandoned in 1969 and its framework still stands as a testament to what happens over 40 years of time to a building that is not maintained. I took this closeup of a pair of windows in the old school:

Two former places of business, the one on the left is completely obliterated by greenery. Perhaps the building on the right was a gas station. 

Neatly mown lawns, a new post office/community building, and the pickups parked around an establishment called "The Oasis" keep the remains of this little town from feeling abandoned or ghostly.  The people didn't seem unfriendly, but they were watchful, and we took the point and left a little sooner than I would have liked.  This is probably just as well because following my urge to explore inside the abandoned school might not have been safe; the building's remaining concrete walls stand with no visible means of support. 

I thoroughly enjoyed this little side trip, and though the citizens of Neosho Falls seem happy with their town just as it is, I am hoping that Karola does not become quite as unpopulated.  In my imagination, Karola School stands with open doors, awaiting another school year's influx of students and teachers who will have adventures yet to be told. 

Nine Reasons I Love June in Kansas

The euonymus shrubs are green and glossy but haven't bloomed, so they aren't yet attracting flies! 

Dragonflies have emerged with rainbow wings...

These guys are almost done producing flowers and fluff...

The Margie rose is blooming in the fence row (named for the childhood friend who gave me the cutting). 

The hanging basket my daughter and her husband gave me for Mother's Day is still beautiful (I haven't killed it yet).

The rosebush my son and his wife gave me two years ago survived the drought and is covered with blooms....

...and the old fashioned rosebush  is blossoming

First thing in the morning it is neither too warm or too cool to sit here......

...and it isn't yet too hot to take a walk in the early evening. 

If I could've captured a photo of cottonwood fluff wafting through the air this would have been reason #10!  I love June in Kansas! 

Conversation

Linda:  I heard a horrifying fact about Gila Monsters today on a children's zoo show.  When they latch on to bite you they don't let go!

Farmer John:  Like snapping turtles.

Linda: (rolls her eyes toward her husband doubtfully)

Farmer John:  (nods sagely) Yup.  When they latch on they don't let go until it thunders.

Linda:  You make this stuff up.  I swear you think I'll believe anything.  (Pulls out her smart phone, finds hundreds of references--albeit most labeled folklore--to snapping turtles not letting go until it thunders).

Linda:  (Sheepishly) Ummm...guess that's just one I hadn't heard before.

Farmer John: (Smug) Well, I do know a few things you don't.  

Riding in the Pickup With Farmer John

This sprig of purple flowers lay by itself in a field of green, looking as if a passing bridesmaid had dropped her delicate bouquet in the grass. 

The pastures are full of these little yellow flowers this spring (see below).

The bouquet Farmer John tossed in my lap--he harvests his spring crop of asparagus from road ditches; disdaining the lack of challenge raising an asparagus patch in our garden would provide. 

I hadn't accompanied John to do chores all week long because he's been so busy planting.  Last night's storms brought us about a quarter inch of rain, and so he couldn't go to the field this morning.  "Want to go count cattle with me?" he asked.

It is Sunday, and on Sundays I am nearly always in my usual pew at church, but after just a moment's hesitation I pulled on jeans and boots and followed my husband out the door.  The rain had washed everything clean, the air was sweet with the scent of mown grass and spring flowers; and I hardly felt guilty at all (well, not until after I ate the donut John bought for me--but I did give our dog, Annie, part of it...). 

We saw a white cattle egret that was apparently playing tag with two calves.  The bird would fly a few feet ahead of the frisky critters and land.  As they kicked up their heels and gave chase, it would stretch out its wings and fly a few dozen more feet ahead, then land and wait for the calves to approach once more.  

There was a flock of white pelicans paddling sedately, almost swan-like, across the lake.  Two coyotes trotted across a pasture and stopped to look back at us over their shoulders before they resumed their journey.  A lanky adolescent whitetail deer leaped across the road in front of us. 

We saw a total of four box turtles at different places along the road which, John claims, means we will receive a "four turtle rain tonight." 

"Notice," he said, in the tones of a tour guide, "...that all those turtles are on high ground." 

I looked at him doubtfully. 

"Well would YOU like to be a box turtle in a flood?" he asked. "They can only swim so long before they sink like a rock." 

I never know whether my husband is teasing or not, but I do know one thing.  Though I'll return to church so as not to give up meeting together with fellow worshipers next week, I found respite in God's creation this morning. 

Just Like Grace Kelley

 

My parents were the inspiration for the characters of Bob and Anna Williamson in The Children Are Tender.  In the book, Anna is Karola School's head cook, while Bob is the head custodian. The character Bob thinks his wife looks just like Grace Kelley, while he himself claims a resemblance to Humphrey Bogart. 

"The head cook’s name was Anna Williamson. She was married to our custodian, Bob, who thought her the most beautiful woman in the world. Because I kept such late hours at the school, Bob often found me still at work when he made his rounds each evening. We had shared regular conversations, and I’d learned that he and Anna had married when Bob was a sergeant in the army during World War II and she was a receptionist for an industrial motor company in Kansas City. Because of his hearing disability, Bob had been assigned stateside duty as a military policeman, riding the trains that carried troops. Bob and Anna met when he was home on furlough, shared their first kiss under the Grand Hall clock at Kansas City’s Union Station, and had married just a few months later."

My mother actually was an assistant manager for the central kitchen that served the Olathe public schools for a time, and her initial aversion to the use of bulger as an additive to meat served as the basis for the chapter in the book that relates the completely fictional story of how Anna charmed the school board as well as Mayor Burke with her cookies and her smile.  However, Dad was never a custodian, although he once thought about applying for a custodial position at the school where I worked. I'm sad to say I objected so strenuously that he gave up the idea.  Dad, the real life Bob Williamson, was something a character--not in the literary sense--and I didn't want him to work at the school where I taught.  My lingering guilt over not wanting to share my workplace with my own father probably contributed to my decision to model Karola School's head custodian after Dad

In the book, Bob and Anna are about 35 years older than they appear in the wedding photo above.  They have both grown slightly rotund, but Bob still believes his wife looks just like Grace Kelley.   The real-life Bob Williamson would never have claimed resemblance to a movie star either for himself or his wife, but as his admiring daughter I always thought my dad was even handsomer than Bogart. 

I'm blessed to honor the love my parents shared by naming characters after them in my book.  Dad would've been proud, and if he were still living I know he would still, as he always did, believe my mother to be the best looking woman in town (even if he never went so far as to compare her to Grace Kelley)! 

The Cow Whisperer

I keep repeating this claim: "There are no characterizations of real people in my book.  Some stories were inspired by true life situations, but I created characters to act out the parts."

I admit there is one exception to these statements; I did my level best to reveal my husband's personality in the character of Farmer John.  He has a host of aggravating, lovable, endearing, and infuriating characteristics, and I tried to include them all; after all, my own husband can't sue me (I don't think). 

I ride along in the old red pickup to help with chores each morning and have taken to carrying a pen and notebook along.  In this way I've gathered quite a few "Farmer Johnisms" for my next Karola book, if there is one (first y'all need to help the current Karola book sell well enough so I don't have to pay a publishing fee to have my next book published.  I've decided we aren't doing that again, I don't care how much the nice publisher likes my book, even if he does have a charming Irish brogue.  After all, the Proverbs 31 woman brings in cash via her hobbies rather then expending it...but that's another blog post. Meantime, click HERE to review the book--you don't have to have purchased the book at Amazon to review there).

Yesterday morning John was sorting cattle as he prepared to move them to pasture.  He prefers to do this job alone, spurning his father's help, telling our son not to bother to drive down to help, and instructing me sternly to stay in the truck.  He says the cattle are used to him and get spooked if anyone else shows up, and this may be true.  However, I'm convinced there is something more.  He doesn't want anyone distracting the critters from his mystical cattle-influencing talents.

As John strides into their midst the animals stop what they are doing and stare at him like prepubescent girls stare at posters of Justin Bieber.  John fixes his gaze upon the animal he desires to move.  She casts her eyes from side to side and bats her long eyelashes...and then, incredibly, turns in the direction he wants her to go. 

John's appeal to the critters may have more to do with the scent of corn chop than with any mystic talent, but I'm not sure.

I call him "The cow whisperer." 

Book Excerpt: First Day of School

Hope you enjoy this excerpt from chapter 4 of The Children Are Tender:  

They say a drowning person’s life passes before his eyes, and I believe this to be true, because a similar phenomenon happened to me. In the few seconds between the ringing of the bell and the moment the first tidal wave of youngsters hit the elementary hall- way, there played before my eyes in excruciating detail a record of every single misbehavior I had ever seen committed by a small child. There was the three-year-old I’d seen punch his entreating mother squarely in the nose because she wanted him to stay in the church nursery. I saw grocery store tantrums of varying intensities, ranging from whining at the checkout line to full-fledged tantrums in the aisles. Next, I remembered a five-year-old cousin’s complete domination of all adults present at an Easter Sunday dinner as she screamed at high volume over not being allowed to eat chocolate as a first course, and there was more, much more. 

My eyes were wide with terror, and I was staring sightlessly at the wall when I was brought to the present by a tug at my skirt. I forced myself to focus upon a tiny girl who was looking up at me curiously. “Are you Mrs. Boin?” she asked. I knelt in front of her and admitted that I was indeed, Mrs. Birn. 

“Teacher!” she exclaimed, and with no more introduction than this, she put her arms around my neck for a quick, shy hug, then ducked into the classroom. Her name was Jenny Malone, and by that one sweet gesture, she enabled me to get a grip on my churning insides. I turned to greet the other children.

Try It--You'll Like It!!

My husband's uncle approached me at a family reunion.  "You know I've tried to read your caregiving book," he said, "But I just couldn't do it." 

Although he was not either a caregiver or dealing with someone suffering dementia, he had made an attempt to read the devotions I wrote for caregivers in My Mom Has Alzheimer's.  "I liked the funny stories," he said, shaking his head, "...but Alzheimer's...ugh!" 

My first book was written for those undergoing the rocky transition from past relationship roles into a becoming a caregiver for a loved one who has dementia; not what you'd sit down to for an afternoon's light reading!  It is like medicine that can be lifesaving when prescribed for someone suffering pain, and I do have a file of emails from grateful caregivers that attest to its effectiveness in providing balm for wounded spirits, but is not needed for a person who isn't undergoing the trials it addresses.  

I'm concerned now that those who read my first book think they know how I write.  I'm worried that I'll be pigeonholed as someone who writes about "serious subjects."  An author to be avoided if you need a bit of escapism from the real world! 

Well, welcome to the world of Karola, Kansas!  Mrs. Springer slams her car into reverse and careens across two lanes of traffic and onto the curb inches from the large glass window of the Farmer's State Bank of Karola.  Marshal Jonathan Rosencutter dances with the pretty ladies who form a line for that  privilege on Saturday nights at the Smokey Bar and Grill.  The head of the schoolboard dons a chicken costume in an ill-advised foray into the realm of whimsy at Halloween, terrifying a group of first graders.  A kindergarten student hears a teacher's sound effects from an adjacent stall in the girl's restroom and dubs her "Mrs. Tinkle." 

This is not a relentlessly sober book. 

There are heartwarming and heart-rending moments to be sure--these are inevitable when telling the story of a young woman's first year of teaching.  But if you like James Herriot's stories where the three protagonists play off one another in a humorous way, you'll like this book.  If you enjoy the warmth and close knit feeling of community in a Jan Karon novel, you will enjoy this book.  I admit it is a feel good book with a happy ending, and you'll also find some timely issues that just don't go away for us in education such as budget cuts and testing mandates.  But mostly I just hope it becomes one of those "old friend" books that are opened time and again because the stories are engaging and the characters have become familiar. 

Try it, you'll like it! 

You can win a free copy of The Children Are Tender by entering the April giveaway at my website!